Friday, December 17, 2010

Hello. My Name Is Brenda, And I'm a Procrastinator.

I went into my account here at blogspot and realized I'd written a BUNCH of posts that I never published. Sometimes it's more important to write it out than to be heard. So I just tidied things up and deleted those. No point having them hanging around. Nine times out of ten those types of posts are of a bitching/whining nature.

Something that I'm really enjoying right now is both watching other people "growing up" and seeing how no matter how old I am, I'm still capable of an astounding amount of personal growth. When I was a kid I thought adults had it all figured out and were basically "done". The rest of your life was all about just "doing", or so I thought. Good thing that's not true or I would be seriously screwed!   hahaha    And truth be told I'm glad to not have it all figured out because I really have come to appreciate the beauty of the "journey" as opposed to focusing on the "destination". I love to learn, especially when it's self-guided learning. It's always liberating to realize you're capable of more than what you once thought you were. And comforting to find that whatever you may have failed at in the past has no bearing on what you can do today. And exciting even to see that those very missteps have actually contributed to the awesomeness that is you!

I have an extremely playful, downright silly side which I indulge often. If it isn't fun, I have trouble getting into it for the most part. I'm a firm believer that life is mostly for enjoying! That said, at times I worry that maybe I'm too focused on pleasure. I will procrastinate on the stuff that is a drag to me or that is frustrating for me (almost ANY kind of paperwork, dealing with any kind of insurance matter, taxes.....oh wait, make that TAXES!!!, talking to my mom, work issues, money issues, confrontation of any kind, etc). And I know that putting these things off isn't the best way to deal with them. For one thing it tends to put me into situations where my back is then up against the wall to get it done. Which only adds to the anxiety surrounding whatever it is. And more importantly, it allows the issue to hover over me, growing and producing even more stress by simply being there waiting in the wings for me. And besides, if I just got it over and done with it would free me up for even more fun. I always feel soooooo much happier when I get some disgusting, maddening thing out of the way finally.

So I'm pretty sure part of my own personal growth revolves around me dealing with this "icky stuff" procrastination. And the first step is recognizing you have a problem, right? Now for step two......making changes.    :)