Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Freedom Through Discipline or Getting My Act Together
I am not the most organized person in the world. I am also not the most focused. But I do have things I want very badly to accomplish. These things matter to me. They are things that feed my soul and honor my body. The problem I have in implementing them is that I get so lost in the very fact that there are so MANY of these things. I feel crushed under the weight of all that I want to do. My current lifestyle is not really all that busy, at least not by comparison with a lot of people in our society. So saying I don't have the time is a poor excuse. But I also don't really want to be as busy as a lot of people I know. I can see where they have so much time eaten up being "busy" that they forget to just "be". But the point is that with better organization and focus, I know that I DO have time to accomplish more than I am. So with that in mind, I am forcing myself to get some sort of a schedule put into place that will give me a starting point and keep a flow going. I am confident that I can do this, no matter my past experiences. I don't expect to be perfect, but I do expect to improve.
One of the things that is important to me to do is to write much more regularly. I've already taken a big step in that direction. For almost two weeks now I've been starting my day out by writing three pages of whatever pops into my head. This is part of The Artists Way project that I'm doing. Since this project has already been started and is going well, it is obviously at the top of my list of things to accomplish. I am so freaking glad I decided to do this. I've already seen a difference in myself from doing this exercise daily. I never thought I'd be so excited to do anything first thing in the morning, except chug my coffee. I love that the writing is for no one but me. I actually have had to learn to let loose and not care about things like grammar and whether it makes any sense or not. That is so ingrained in me that it's like learning something new. Along with doing my morning pages, I've promised myself that I will blog at least once a week. Before I never wanted to impose any frequency on myself. But I see now that the discipline is important after all. This may seem obvious to most, but I can be a slow learner in some areas!
I have thus far created a list of things that I know I want to do. Some are new things. Some are getting back into doing things I used to do. Some are pretty simple; mostly a matter of making it a priority and just doing it. Some will require learning new skills. My list has to remain changeable. I'm sure I will continue to think of things I want to do. And other things that I now think I want to do, may lose their importance to me over time. Who knows? In the past I have had times when I became entranced with the idea of doing something only to find out that it just wasn't for me after all. That's okay. I got a lot of flack some of those times. I got called a quitter. I don't see it that way. Why would you continue to spend time and energy on something that serves no purpose for your life? Now, there probably have been a few times that I did give up too fast. I think in those cases I lacked the proper tools to make it work for me as well as lacking the support I needed. I feel bad about those instances. They are things I might take another look at in the future and see if I can't come up with a better way to approach it.
My next step is going to be to prioritize my list into an order that makes the most sense for me. I know better than to delve into too many things at once. Or to tackle too many hard things in a row. I need time to get used to my new habits. I have to deal with the occasional impatience to move on to something else. I know I will crumble if I don't keep that under control! It's important to know thyself when making life changes. I can't follow someone elses' rules. I am me and I make no apologies for being myself! Once I get my list scheduled, I will reevaluate it from time to time to keep it making sense. Life happens and you have to play it by ear sometimes. But having a basic schedule should really help me out.
I'm excited about this. And curious to see where it all leads. I've always had feelings that my life should be more somehow, was MEANT to be more. But I've always been at such a loss as to how to get there. I feel strongly that I'm headed in the right direction. I have more faith in my own instincts than I've ever had before. It's time.
Posted by Brenda A. at 1:12 PM